This is so me. It all starts with "how old is he and what does he do?" Judgmental much? Yes. The subject of dating has and will always be a topic of conversation among many friends of mine. Within the past few months, many of us became single – some by choice and others, well, you know how that goes. I have never revisited what the “ideal man” would be for me, until now. I always thought I knew what I wanted, or maybe I just got comfortable. If your friends are anything like mine, they will set you up right and left with blind dates. Oh, and even those who do not live in town will be willing to pass along my number and Facebook page, etc. just so I can get into this dating scene rolling again. The truth is, I am not trying to find someone. I will occasionally go on a date, just because. I’m not looking for a soul mate right now or something within those lines. I just like to meet people and not have any obligation after one date.
What do I want in a man? This was a question I could’ve easily answered a few years ago. Somehow, I stumbled on it this year. Did I have amnesia all of a sudden? Early onset of Alzheimer’s perhaps? One of my favorite girl friends in town, A – she and I have been having sleepovers and just a lot of girl time lately – we both realized that our practicality isn’t exactly working in our favor. What does that mean? I always thought I wanted someone like me: independent, career-minded, does not talk about feelings often, someone who can go through their day without me having to check-in, you know - someone who does not require a lot of attention, etc. Three of the four long-term relationships that I had, the men required a lot of attention, but in different capacities and situations. I was also at a different life space at that time, which I’m sure impacted my choices and decisions.
Now that I am settled, not necessarily geographically, but in terms of my career and just really living what I love and being so comfortable in my own skin, it seems like my needs and wants have changed. I feel like the practical side of me has taken a step back. A couple of good friends of mine told me, “The last three people you dated, you all looked good in paper.” I was like, “In paper? What the heck does that mean?” They both said (in different occasions), “It matched, but it seemed like a check list.” When I received this feedback, I had only been single a month or so. I didn’t know how to react or to think, I didn’t need to, I suppose. Now that it’s been almost six months, I’d like to think that I know what they meant. I was always attracted to someone like me – I did want someone who “looked good” in public, you know, all the professional accolades and all. Yes, I wanted the bells and whistles, the status quo. Was I happy? Yes. Was I totally in love with the person? Yes, in the beginning. I’m not saying that I will go “hood” with the next person, but having all the “titles” because of what they do for a living may not be exactly what I want, but yes, he must have a job. I ain’t anyone’s sugga momma. I have friends (male and females) who are totally happy with their significant others who work in construction, as a receptionist, a nanny, a bank teller, etc. It isn't about them having money because I can support myself, I always have. I pay for my half (and offer most of the time) for any trips, dinners, excursions - even when I lived with a boyfriend, we always split costs.
I also think because I am so practical, I don’t demand much. I don’t nag (ask anyone, they’ll tell you yes). However, when two practical people come together with so much independence, it’s a great recipe for a monotone routine and growing apart will happen far more quicker than expected. This is probably the first time I will admit (well, not since high school at least) that I do like getting good morning text messages, I like text messages and/or phone calls during the middle of my work day, I like hearing that they miss me, etc. the list can get mushy but yes, I do want someone romantic, if that’s what you’d like to call it. Most of all, I want someone who is man enough to let me know he loves me and is afraid of losing me not because he is backed in a corner trying to save something that cannot be undone.
what do you want in a person?
are you as picky as i am?
do you care for status quo?