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i randomly ran across this post (i liked it a lot, i even copied the title!) via another blog and it hit a chord with yours truly. how many of you have made mistakes before? how many of you do not like making mistakes? how many of you learn from your mistakes? you see, when i was younger i lived in a bubble. well, my parents differed in things/issues i needed clear guidance on when i was younger. i disliked them for it. i was my dad's favorite child, that was a known fact. it wasn't like the unspoken fact, it was a verbally acknowledged truth, i could do no wrong. he was the one that gave me the permission that i could do anything i want. mom loved each of us the same, she was the one kept me grounded. now that i am grown, i've appreciated their differences because i had the option to learn and choose which values i felt comfortable taking on as an adult.
since i was daddy's little girl (i had night shirts that said "daddy's little girl", "my heart belongs to daddy" like it was a fan club), i had this image of perfection in my mind, so i was scared of making mistakes which often lead to a lot of frustration in my part making sure i did everything right. for the longest time, i lived making my dad (and mom) happy, i never made decisions on my own. i always sought their advice (not that it's a bad thing, but i did it so i could stay "perfect" in their eyes) for approval.
my mom was always the "do your best" parent while my dad was the "winning is everything" parent. a good and funny example is that i never had chicken pox until i was 21. yes, you gotta flippin' believe it! it was also may and may in l.a. is hot! no bueno. anyway, i didn't get a lot of pox anywhere else on my body but they were all over my face. yes, my face! of course, i am not gonna lie, i freaked out cause really, who wants scars on their face?! be honest now! my mom was like, "oh honey, you'll still be pretty. don't worry." my dad on the other took action. he left the house and came back with a bag full of remedies from cvs, sav-on and rite aid. true story. from oatmeal, five different types of calamine lotion, scar preventing creams, etc. etc. he also said, "you're not getting scars on your face." low and behold, i only had one chicken pox scar on my face.
as an adult, because of my risk-taking nature, one might say i am prone to mistakes. there is some truth to that, but i also learn from them. i don't think i'd be where i am at life if i didn't make any mistakes. when you make them, it never feels good. it always feel like you never do anything right. once time passes and you have the luxury to look back, you'll definitely feel different and better about it.
since i was daddy's little girl (i had night shirts that said "daddy's little girl", "my heart belongs to daddy" like it was a fan club), i had this image of perfection in my mind, so i was scared of making mistakes which often lead to a lot of frustration in my part making sure i did everything right. for the longest time, i lived making my dad (and mom) happy, i never made decisions on my own. i always sought their advice (not that it's a bad thing, but i did it so i could stay "perfect" in their eyes) for approval.
my mom was always the "do your best" parent while my dad was the "winning is everything" parent. a good and funny example is that i never had chicken pox until i was 21. yes, you gotta flippin' believe it! it was also may and may in l.a. is hot! no bueno. anyway, i didn't get a lot of pox anywhere else on my body but they were all over my face. yes, my face! of course, i am not gonna lie, i freaked out cause really, who wants scars on their face?! be honest now! my mom was like, "oh honey, you'll still be pretty. don't worry." my dad on the other took action. he left the house and came back with a bag full of remedies from cvs, sav-on and rite aid. true story. from oatmeal, five different types of calamine lotion, scar preventing creams, etc. etc. he also said, "you're not getting scars on your face." low and behold, i only had one chicken pox scar on my face.
as an adult, because of my risk-taking nature, one might say i am prone to mistakes. there is some truth to that, but i also learn from them. i don't think i'd be where i am at life if i didn't make any mistakes. when you make them, it never feels good. it always feel like you never do anything right. once time passes and you have the luxury to look back, you'll definitely feel different and better about it.
i think making mistakes is something we all need to do just to learn from them. while i do my best not to make mistakes, when i do, i acknowledge them and then work to fix it. to me, it's not the mistake that defines you, it's how to you fix them that does.
ReplyDelete"When you have the luxury to look back ..." <--- I love this. It is so true. You need to be able to take yourself out of the situation before you can clearly assess if it was a bad or good mistake, you know what I mean. I think people always rush, think that in weeks or three months, things will change. Being where I've been and where I'm at, no Ma'am, it doesn't work that way and I bet you know this too well, Reni. I agree with Kathy, too. I think it is also important to know that even if we are allowed to make mistakes, we need to do our part and not be careless and just make them as if they're going out of style.
ReplyDeletehow funny you were FACTUALLY your Dad's favorite child. I think I'm my Dad's least favorite but that's yet to be proven, ahha, jk. It's good to have a balance of parents and there's so much to take away from both of them and their "WINNING" vs "TRY YOUR BEST" mentalities.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you watch Modern Family but I often think about a lighthearted joke they had on there. Claire realized that her kids always wanted to go with their Dad Phil because he made everything more fun with continual hilarious antics: water balloon fights, games, etc. He was free spirited and the kids loved him for it. On one episode Claire is sick of them never wanting to hang with her so she forces the son to go with her in the car. While she's in there she's asking him why the Dad is so much more "fun". He just says that he's goofy and what not and that she's more strict. She replies with "You know I wasn't always this strict. I used to be fun like your Dad and goof around but then we had kids and you can't have two fun parents- it's a circus! You know your friend who always wears pajamas to school and pays for everything with 100 dollar bills? [I guarantee he has] 2 fun parents!"
The joke is funny because it is so true! You need the yin and the yang and the positive and negatives in both of your parents' parenting styles benefits you- much like mistakes.
My parents had a very interesting way of doing things...they encouraged mistakes. lol sounds funny but it's true! Looking back, I would watch my friends' parents do everything in their power to keep them from making mistakes, but in the end their children end up doing it. Mine, however, would see me falling face first, but instead of trying to catch me, they just let me fall! Of course, I was always taught to do my best and be wise, but sometimes I was stubborn; I didn't always do my best and I didn't always do the right thing, even when I knew better. I guess in their minds I had to learn that way and I did. I've learned that you will continue to do the same things, make the same mistakes, until you learn the lesson in it and for some it only takes one time. In essence, I don't really believe in mistakes, because everything happens the way it's supposed to and every mistake is a lesson.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ps-My parents weren't awful lol They told me once and that was it. "Chymere, the stove is hot." But she would not stop me from touching it lol that kinda thing.
ReplyDeleteI like how your parents are total opposites of eachother. Being that I was a sickly kid, I was Mommy's little girl AND Daddy's little girl..which in short resulted to a lot more mistakes than I probably should have LOL nonetheless, they all were learning lessons. :) I wouldnt have it any other way
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